Eat This

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Eat This — or Spend Two Nights in Jail

(A playful ultimatum — but seriously: make this and no one will complain.)

A big, indulgent, romantic recipe designed to impress: Braised Red Wine Short Ribs with Creamy Parmesan Polenta & Fig-Balsamic Glaze. Rich, slow-cooked, and deeply comforting — the kind of meal lovers argue over who gets the last bite of. Below you’ll find a full introduction, ingredients, instructions, methods (yes — twice), history, formation (how it comes together), conclusion, and two “lovers” sections because you asked. Let’s cook love (and avoid jail).

Introduction

This dish is slow, patient, and luxurious — beef short ribs braised until fork-tender in red wine, aromatics and tomato, served over velvety polenta finished with butter and Parmesan. A concentrated fig-balsamic glaze adds a sweet-sour note that cuts through the richness. It’s ideal for a special dinner: long on flavor, short on presentation stress (the oven does the heavy lifting). Make it with someone you love — or make it for yourself and savor every bite.

Ingredients

(makes 4 generous plates)

Short ribs & braise

  • 3–4 lb (1.4–1.8 kg) beef short ribs (bone-in if possible), trimmed of excess fat
  • Salt & freshly ground black pepper
  • 2–3 tbsp olive oil or neutral oil
  • 1 large onion, diced
  • 2 medium carrots, diced
  • 2 celery stalks, diced
  • 6 garlic cloves, smashed
  • 2 tbsp tomato paste
  • 2 cups (480 ml) full-bodied red wine (cabernet, malbec, syrah)
  • 3 cups (720 ml) beef or veal stock (more if needed)
  • 1 (14 oz / 400 g) can crushed tomatoes or diced tomatoes
  • 2 sprigs fresh rosemary
  • 3–4 sprigs fresh thyme (or 1 tsp dried thyme)
  • 2 bay leaves
  • 1–2 tbsp brown sugar (optional, balances acidity)

Fig-Balsamic Glaze

  • 6 dried figs, chopped (or 6 fresh if available)
  • 1/3 cup (80 ml) balsamic vinegar
  • 2 tbsp honey or maple syrup
  • 1/4 cup (60 ml) reserved braising liquid (to blend)
  • Pinch of salt & pepper

Creamy Parmesan Polenta

  • 1 1/2 cups (360 ml) water + 1 1/2 cups (360 ml) milk (or 3 cups total stock/water mix)
  • 1 cup (160 g) coarse polenta (or instant if short on time)
  • 3 tbsp unsalted butter
  • 1/2 cup (50–60 g) freshly grated Parmesan (plus extra for serving)
  • Salt & pepper to taste

Finishes & Garnish

  • Fresh parsley or microgreens, chopped
  • Zest of 1 lemon (optional, brightens the dish)
  • Flaky sea salt for finishing

Equipment & Time

  • Dutch oven or heavy ovenproof pot with lid
  • Oven preheated to 325°F (160°C)
  • Total active time: ~45–60 min. Braise time: 2½–3 hours.
  • Hands-off time: the oven will do the slow cooking.

Instructions — Step by step

1. Prep & sear the ribs

  1. Pat short ribs dry. Generously season with salt & pepper.
  2. Heat oil in Dutch oven over medium-high. Sear ribs in batches until deeply browned on all sides (3–4 min per side). Remove and set aside.

2. Build the braising base

  1. Reduce heat to medium. Add onions, carrots, celery. Cook until softened and beginning to brown, ~8–10 min.
  2. Add garlic, cook 1 minute. Stir in tomato paste and cook 2 min to caramelize.
  3. Pour in red wine to deglaze, scraping brown bits. Let the wine reduce by ~50% (3–5 min).
  4. Add crushed tomatoes, stock, herbs, brown sugar (if using). Bring to a simmer.

3. Braise

  1. Nestle short ribs back into the pot, meat partially submerged. Cover and transfer to preheated oven.
  2. Braise until ribs are fork-tender and the meat pulls away easily, about 2½–3 hours. Check after 2 hours; if liquid is very low, add a splash of stock.

4. Make the fig-balsamic glaze

  1. About 30 minutes before ribs finish, combine chopped figs, balsamic, honey, and 1/4 cup reserved braising liquid in a small saucepan. Simmer gently until soft and reduced to a glossy, spoon-coating sauce (~12–15 min). Adjust seasoning. If you prefer a smooth glaze, blitz with an immersion blender and strain.

5. Finish the sauce

  1. Remove ribs to a platter and tent with foil. Skim excess fat from braising liquid.
  2. Reduce the liquid on stove until slightly thickened, then whisk in fig-balsamic glaze (to taste) and adjust seasoning. If you like a very silky sauce, strain it.

6. Make the polenta

  1. Bring water + milk (or stock mix) to a simmer. Slowly whisk in polenta in a steady stream to avoid lumps.
  2. Cook, stirring frequently, until thick and creamy (coarse polenta 25–30 min; instant 3–5 min). Remove from heat, stir in butter and Parmesan. Season with salt & pepper.

7. Plate & garnish

  1. Spoon a bed of polenta onto plates. Top with a generous short rib, spoon over reduced sauce and fig glaze. Finish with parsley, lemon zest, and flaky sea salt.

Methods (first)

This recipe uses three core culinary methods:

  1. Searing — builds Maillard flavor on the ribs.
  2. Deglazing & braising — slow, moist-heat cooking breaks connective tissue into gelatin, making meat tender and producing a rich sauce.
  3. Reduction & glazing — concentrates flavors and creates a glossy finish.

History

Short ribs and braising are part of long-standing peasant-to-palace cooking traditions. Tough cuts like short ribs gained prestige through slow-cooking methods that convert collagen into gelatin — the backbone of hearty, soulful dishes across Europe (French braisé, Italian brasato) and beyond. Polenta has roots in Northern Italy as a staple corn porridge, once made from millet or barley before corn’s arrival from the Americas. Fig and balsamic pairings draw from Mediterranean flavor traditions — sweet fruit with tangy aged vinegar — a marriage that balances rich meats beautifully. This dish is a modern romantic expression of those classic techniques.

Formation (how flavors & textures come together)

  • Maillard sear creates umami and aromatic crust.
  • Braising liquid (wine + stock + tomatoes) penetrates meat and forms a reduced sauce saturated with savory depth.
  • Gelatin from bones/connective tissue gives the sauce body and silkiness.
  • Polenta’s creaminess contrasts the unctuous meat, while fig-balsamic introduces acidity and sweetness to cut richness. The result is a balanced plate: tender, rich, bright, and comforting.

Methods (second — pro tips & technique variations)

  • Low & slow vs. oven vs. stovetop: Oven braising gives even, reliable heat. Stovetop works with careful attention. Slow cooker: after searing, transfer to slow cooker on low 6–8 hours.
  • Wine selection: Use a drinkable red; don’t use “cooking wine.” If you prefer nonalcoholic, sub extra stock + 2 tbsp red wine vinegar.
  • Thickness of sauce: Strain and then reduce for a refined sauce. For rustic style, serve with veg and more textured gravy.
  • Polenta texture: For silkier polenta, use half cream. For lighter, use water/stock only. Stir constantly at the end to avoid grit.
  • Advance prep: Braise a day ahead — flavors improve overnight. Rewarm gently and finish with fresh glaze before serving.

Lovers (serving suggestions for lovers)

  • Serve with a bold red wine (same variety used for braising) to echo flavors.
  • Create a cozy table: candlelight, slow jazz or acoustic guitar, and warm bread to mop up sauce.
  • Feed each other small spoonfuls of polenta or let one tear the ribs open — intimate and playful.
  • For dessert, keep it light and citrusy (lemon tart or panna cotta) to end on a bright note.

Lovers (romantic touches & presentation)

  • Plate family-style on a large board for sharing — cavernous bowls, torn herbs on top, a scattering of Parmesan.
  • Add edible flowers or microgreens for color.
  • Write a tiny menu card with a cheeky line: “Eat this — or spend two nights in jail.” (They’ll laugh; you both win.)
  • If cooking together, assign small, sexy tasks: one stirs polenta while the other finishes the glaze — teamwork builds anticipation.

Variations & Pairings

  • Swap short ribs for beef chuck roast (longer braise) or lamb shanks for a gamier profile.
  • Polenta can be replaced with mashed potatoes, creamy celeriac mash, or polenta cakes for a crisp finish.
  • Add roasted root vegetables or sautéed bitter greens (rapini, kale) for brightness.

Troubleshooting

  • Sauce too thin: Reduce over medium-high until syrupy.
  • Polenta gritty: Cook longer, whisk vigorously, add a knob of butter and extra liquid, then finish with cheese.
  • Meat not tender: Continue braising — connective tissues need time; check oven temperature (should be low, ~325°F/160°C).

Conclusion

This braised short rib with fig-balsamic glaze and creamy Parmesan polenta is a show-stopper: deep, layered flavors, velvety textures, and just enough sweetness to keep every bite exciting. It rewards patience — and it loves company. Whether you’re trying to seduce, celebrate, or simply win the “best dinner ever” accolade, this plate delivers.

Final Notes (extra lovers’ methods & heart)

  • Make it an experience: pick a playlist, open the wine early to breathe, and enjoy the process as much as the meal.
  • If anyone threatens you with jail for not sharing — offer seconds. Love (and food) solves most crimes.

If you want, I can give you a printable one-page recipe card, a shopping list grouped by grocery section, or a shorter 90-minute “fast version” (using pressure cooker / instant pot) — tell me which and I’ll lay it out.

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